As people become more successful, achieve more, have more access, make more money, the assumption from the general population is that their lives are easy or become easier. It’s assumed that they don’t have any worries because they have ‘all the things,’ all the things that society tells us are supposed to make us happy. On the outside they look perfect and well put together. They show up in powerful, bold ways. So on the outside looking in, people have a hard time believing that there may be something more beneath the surface.
However, underneath the picture-perfect façade, there is often struggle, pain, trauma, and sometimes “dark and twisty” thoughts. Yes, even some of those people who have a large amount of success and notoriety struggle with mental health challenges and even have suicidal thoughts.
Because it’s hard to picture that people who smile often and have accomplished so much in their lives might consider not wanting to live anymore, most people question whether this even impacts their immediate circle. They say things like, “Suicide hasn’t hit close to home or hasn’t impact my personal circle.”
And while it’s true that they may not know people close to them who have died by suicide, chances are they know someone who has had thoughts of suicide.
Suicidal ideation is a pervasive problem that persists amongst an alarmingly large percentage of the population, even the ones that we would never guess would have these thoughts. If we only consider deaths by suicide, we miss out on important opportunities to address systematic issues (i.e., mental health stigma) that contribute to increased suicidal ideation.
To focus on larger prevention measures we first have to acknowledge that suicidal ideation is real and consider how to create more spaces where people can talk openly about their challenges rather than feeling the need to keep up looks and facades.
Suicide is actually quite a nuanced topic. It is so important to recognize the subtle ways that suicidal ideation shows up, otherwise we might miss it.
The thoughts of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, The question of “is there even a purpose?” The isolation. The withdrawing from people and things that previously interested you. Giving away of important things. Essentially preparing others to not have you around anymore. It’s the subtle questions of “Does life even matter anymore?”
It seems we also get caught up in what suicide is supposed to “look” like. Like it just has to be someone that is so super depressed that the only thing that can happen is that they would end their life, but that’s not always the case. Anxiety is also highly correlated with suicidal thoughts. Trauma and fear are also highly correlated with suicidal thoughts. There is no “look” of someone who experiences these thoughts. And they generally spend their entire lives suffering because they have internalized the beliefs that they are supposed to look a certain way, until one day they are fed up with pretending.
This is particularly true for Black women, for women of color, who are high achieving and/or professional. For this population of women, they typically experience the thoughts and feelings of emptiness. They tend to not speak to the internal suffering because they don’t believe there is room for it. Instead they try to push away these thoughts. They might even have a plan. They might really want to act on these thoughts, but they show up another day because they don’t want to be considered weak. The issue with this is that they are suffering in silence. Don’t we want to exist in a world where people can be transparent about what they are experiencing internally and receive the appropriate dose of support that they need?
When a person gets to a place where they feel so empty and void of a reason to live, we have to wonder what got them there. Women of Color deserve to be healthy and whole without shame or guilt. But being forced to deny that these parts of them exist, is telling them that this part of them is not okay.
Women of color deserve to be relieved from the pressure of having to do it all and having to be happy go lucky all the time. We need to normalize that people, even the most successful and well put together of people, have dark thoughts so that we can prevent people from suffering in silence and alone. Isolation, loneliness, worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, are all risk factors for suicide. And yet, because we don’t create spaces where people can actually talk about these feelings and these thoughts, we increase exposure to these risk factors.
It can be scary to hear that these thoughts are occurring, especially from someone you love, but the reality is in hearing these thoughts, you can direct people to the help they need. If you don’t know these thoughts exist, there isn’t room for support.
There is a lot of pressure that comes with being a high-achieving person. People have their own opinions about how you are supposed to show up in the world and the specific ways you are supposed to act. It is possible for people to present a certain way and still be suffering internally.
People have an image in their mind of what they think suicidal ideation is, but the truth is there is no LOOK that lets you know that someone is considering suicide. In 2019 a well-known psychologist died by suicide. A psychologist! Doctors die by suicide. Lawyers die by suicide. People in all kinds of professions and walks of life die by suicide.
Regardless of status, fame, or tax bracket, people can still suffer. And a lot of times, the higher people are in these areas, the more likely they are to suffer in silence and alone.
A few years ago, there was a lot of talk about check on your “Strong Friends” and that was certainly an apt campaign because this is exactly the population that we are referring to. It also goes both ways though, if you are the “strong” friend, reach out to people when you are struggling.
Suicide doesn’t go away when the month of September ends. And while we spend this month raising awareness, we want you to know that if you resonated with anything above, there is always help for you when you need it. We understand that success is very desired and that for women of color in general, and for Black women in particular, there is a lot that goes into achieving said success because we live in a society that is constantly trying to hold us back. So there is a lot that has to be unpacked as it relates to being a high achieving, successful, woman of color.
If you’re struggling with dark thoughts or thoughts of ending your life, here are some tips, tools, and resources to help.
Call or Chat with Suicide Prevention Crisis Line
Text Tribe to 741741
Disclose to people who feel safe and support you.
Show yourself compassion as you have those thoughts AND reach out for the support you need.
Start therapy or talk to your therapist about these thoughts.
At the Worth, Wisdom, and Wellness Center, we are not afraid of dark thoughts, thoughts of suicide, thoughts of no longer wanting to be here, because we know that it’s deeper than that. We know that trauma and anxiety and living in a constant state of fear can contribute to hopelessness. We know that wanting to give up can be about no longer wanting to live with the pain of existing. We also know that no matter how put together you are on the outside, the inside can still be painful and falling apart. We want to help you put the pieces back together so you can live a life that you look forward to waking up to every day.
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides Trauma & EMDR therapy, Therapy for Perfectionism and Low Self-esteem, Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, and Faith-Based Therapy to Black women and Women of Color. You don’t have to wait any longer to heal. We are here to help.
If you are located in the state of Georgia* and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
1. Contact us to schedule your first appointment and learn more about our services.
2. Review our Meet Us pages to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
3. Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.
*Dr. Marcuetta Sims also sees clients in other states. Check her bio to learn more.