More often than not, Black women and women of color come to my office, detail these long histories of abuse, neglect, pain, suffering, struggle, and strife and at the conclusion of all that say,
“But I’m fine, I don’t even think I need therapy.”
Their eyes almost bulge out of their sockets when they hear me say,
“Hmmm. It sounds like you may have experienced some unidentified, unresolved trauma that may be impacting you today.”
Most of them have an image in their mind of what trauma “looks like” and it does not look like them.
Traumatic experiences are not just restricted to being in or witnessing combat, a natural disaster, a car accident, or an assault. This is particularly true for traumatic experiences that occur during childhood when most things feel larger than life.
Trauma can include any event that is significantly distressing, life altering, and leaves an emotional imprint on your life.
Some examples of traumatic life experiences:
Witnessing your parents arguing and fighting on a daily basis as a child
Being abandoned by a parent at an early age
Being bullied in school
Being called out of your name as a child, for any reason, but particularly in a moment of anger or rage
Having a parent that is emotionally unavailable
Being raised in an environment or community where violence is constant
Witnessing the televised murders of people who share an identity similar to you
Not having enough food to eat and questioning where your next meal is going to come from
Being evicted from a home and having to suddenly pick up and move
Okay, so maybe I experienced trauma as a child, what does that have to do with me today?
These experiences can lead to an intolerable fear of uncertainty resulting in an excessive need to control. They can lead to tendencies to try to “people please” in order to keep people for being upset or leaving you. They can lead to trying to do everything right (hello, perfectionist) to try to prevent chaos or anger. They can lead to holding onto unhealthy relationships for fear that you will be alone and never have someone to love you. They can lead to feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. And while most times, people who have experienced these traumas tend to turn out “okay,” most are even extremely successful and high functioning, there is often still this small something, that they can’t quite name, that let’s them know that things are not “okay.”
Any of this sound familiar?
What I’ve found is that most people begin to consider these things as “normal” because in their world, they are. However, the truth is, this is not and was not “normal” and this is not and was not okay. Another truth: You deserve to live a life that is full and does not continue to be controlled by what you experienced as a child.
You deserve a chance to heal, even if you are accomplishing goals, even if you’re successful, even if you’re surviving. You deserve a chance to thrive.
If you’re experiencing a void, as if you know that despite all the degrees, accolades, successes, achievements, you are still anxious, depressed, and questioning your worth, it may be time to consider whether there is unresolved trauma that you need to heal from.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether this applies to you.
- Did I have negative experiences in my childhood that when I think about them today they make me angry, sad, annoyed, or I just push them away because it’s too difficult for me to think about them?
- Do I have significant portions of my childhood that I just don’t remember or actively try to forget?
- Have I accomplished a lot but still feel a sense of worthlessness?
- Am I constantly trying to please others and not focus on prioritizing myself?
If you answered yes to any of these, it is possible that you could benefit from meeting with a trauma informed provider to help you heal from your emotional wounds. It takes a lot to face a past that you’ve done so well in removing yourself from, overcoming, and keeping pushed a way in a dark closet, but the truth is you deserve to heal, fully, and you are so worth it.
Are you ready to start your journey to healing and transformation?
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides trauma informed care to Black women and Women of Color in the state of Georgia. You don’t have to wait any longer to heal. We are here to help.
If you are located in the state of Georgia* and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
1. Contact us to schedule your first appointment and learn more about our services.
2. Review our Meet Us pages to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
3. Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.
*Dr. Marcuetta Sims also sees clients in other states. Check her bio to learn more.