You may often find yourself wondering “What do I do with hard feelings?”
In today’s day and age- there is a huge push to NOT feel them.
It’s a byproduct of being a part of a society that’s constantly evolving.
Technology is working to make things more convenient for everyone:
“How can we go faster?” “How can we get from point A to point B the most efficiently?”
For the most part- society has succeeded. There aren’t too many facets of life that haven’t been affected by the advancement of technology-
With the exception of our emotional processes.
No matter how quickly and efficiently we can get our technology to move, we cannot rush our own emotional processes.
Now let’s get into why this matters.
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’ve lived a good amount of life. Meaning, you’ve probably experienced some jarring events in your life.
Or perhaps you are dealing with some difficult moments now- and that is what drew you here.
When we experience a difficult situation- perhaps one that elicits anger- there is no way to relieve yourself from the anger immediately.
Feelings are actually helpful in revealing what’s within us- whether that’s good, bad, or ugly.
Our feelings are data that give insight about our internal experiences.
Feelings can also show us what within us needs continued healing. If you are noticing a pattern of feelings that arise at a certain time, then you’re more than likely experiencing a trigger.
Knowing and understanding your triggers are crucial in understanding yourself (and are a whole other blog post).
Before getting to knowing and understanding triggers- there needs to be an understanding of why it’s important and necessary to sit with tough feelings.
There are- however, some steps you can take to help process through the hard feelings.
When experiencing difficult feelings, I recommend 5 steps: 
- Pinpoint the feeling
- Practice compassion
- Prayer
- Process
- Practice Expression
Pinpoint the feeling
This step is really important, and is a great place to start when feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how you feel.
I think it’s especially important to note that once you start doing this regularly, your vocabulary and understanding of your emotions begins to increase- which is one of the basic components of being able to name and sit with hard emotions.
Take a look at this tool from feelingswheel.com for support in learning how to identify, pinpoint, your feelings.
Practice Compassion
Once you pinpoint your feelings- the next step is to actually give yourself the grace and space to feel these feelings.
If you’re someone learning how to get comfortable with navigating your feelings- it’s not uncommon to feel shame or dissonance when naming your feelings.
Typically, when we feel shame, we want to avoid or ignore the feelings. Though it may feel helpful in the moment, it actually does nothing for us regarding actually processing through and getting information from those feelings.
Practicing compassion is not the same as making excuses- rather, it is giving yourself a way to practice understanding.
Why does it make sense that I feel this way?
Is the feeling that I’m experiencing a natural part of the human experience?
Asking yourself these questions allows you to get curious about the emotion rather than judging yourself. Once you practice compassion- it’s time to move to the next step:
Prayer
As a person of faith, I would highly recommend praying about the feelings that you’re experiencing. This may also help with feeling overwhelmed, or unsure of how to sit with the discomfort of unpleasing emotions. There are no emotions too big for God to handle.
Process
Processing is the latter part of prayer- once you’ve prayed, give yourself time to sit with what may come after the prayer. This may take you 30 seconds or 30 minutes, depending on the feeling that you’re processing.
There is no right or wrong way to process- you may even find yourself processing on and off for quite some time afterwards.
Practice Expression
This is where you can get really creative. Once you have the other steps completed, you can decide what you want to do with these feelings.
It’s possible the feelings gave you some energy/ adrenaline, or nervousness- this is normal. You are experiencing hyperarousal- the upper threshold of your window of tolerance.
It’s also possible the feelings did the opposite- and you’re feeling more lethargic, sad, or even depressed after walking through the feelings.
This is also normal- you are experiencing hypoarousal, the lower threshold of your window of tolerance.
Try these activities (and feel free to add your own) once you’ve made it to the end of the emotional regulation cycle.
Ways to practice expression (also known as coping skills):
Journaling (also another way to process)
Going for a walk
Doing a strenuous workout
Talking to a trusted friend
Engaging in a hobby
Practicing Mindfulness
The list can go on from here! There is probably a never ending list of coping strategies- these were just some to get you started.
The process of dealing with emotions can seem daunting at first- but with anything, it takes practice. There is no cheat code, abridged version, or shortcut to navigating your feelings. Either way, handling uncomfortable emotions is a necessary part of the human experience.
Have you been having a difficult time navigating your emotional experience lately? Let us help you start or even continue your healing process by learning to understand, embrace and regulate your emotions.
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides Trauma & EMDR therapy, Therapy for Perfectionism and Low Self-esteem, Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, and Faith-Based Therapy to Black women and Women of Color. You don’t have to try to learn to navigate your emotions on your own. We are here to help.
If you are located in the state of Georgia and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
- Contact us to schedule your first appointment and learn more about our services.
- Review our About Us page to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
- Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.