We are currently living in a culture of girl bosses, black girls in luxury, influencers screaming “Material Girl!” like Saucy Santana and focusing on getting to “the bag.”
As such, we can easily find ourselves putting on strenuous amounts of pressure to reach certain goals.
So many Black women are trying to blend in with this particular facet of today’s culture.
But what happens when we have a hard time getting there? When it doesn’t happen overnight like so many success stories on social media appear to be?
Many of us may feel shame, disappointment, frustration, or depression because the lives we are currently living do not fit the lives we ideally want for ourselves – or feel we should want for ourselves because of what we see others experiencing.
What happens when we’re not getting the bag in the time frame we think we should?
First of all, what does it even mean to get to “the bag”?
The interpretation may vary depending who you are and who you’re talking to.
It could mean having a full time job and constantly seeking promotion after promotion or job hopping for a higher salary.
It could mean having multiple streams of income, more than one job, a full-time job and a side hustle/business.
It could mean having passive streams of income, a venture that does not require active or a higher level of consistent involvement but brings in income.
Or it could mean being an entrepreneur with a “successful” business. (We don’t even have a consistent definition of what success is so the bar is always moving).
All in all, it is essentially saying one has established financial abundance, financial security, and/or a certain level of success/notability; achieving the highly sought-after freedom from money woes or gaining fame.
“The bag” is what many would consider financial security and then some.
And it is a goal that many people have due to the various past experiences we have had or visions of future experiences we would like to have in life.
One may believe that once they have money, then they will finally have a pass to do the things in life they’ve always wanted to do; taking a trip, buying a home or a car, opening a business that focuses on their passion, buying that Louis Vuitton purse they’ve always wanted, or working hard being a choice and not a necessity.
They may even believe that “securing the bag” will relieve them from many worries or fears they have about being in poverty or not having enough.
“The bag” is viewed as a ticket to living a life that one has more control over.
Now Here’s The Truth About “The Bag”
The need or desire for “the bag” is a byproduct of centuries of oppression, lack of access to resources, and systemic structures that were put in place intentionally. They can be deeply rooted in racism and sexism along with several, if not all the other isms, but I’ll pause there.
While multiple streams of income and financial security can very well be a goal a person may have, I would be remiss if I didn’t note that in the face of increases in rent, gas prices, groceries, and essential medications being unaffordable for many people living in the United States, especially Black women who despite being the most educated in the country still only make 63 cents for every dollar a white man makes, having to take on multiple jobs or a job that is undesirable but higher-paying has become a necessity.
It is unfortunate and unacceptable.
But outside of this being a social justice issue. The drive to get the bag is also influenced by another truth.
Social Media adds pressure on our drive to get “the bag.”
Social media has often been referred to as a “highlight reel.” The high moments (i.e. promotions, engagements, new cars and homes) and luxurious moments (i.e. unboxing videos, “get ready with me” videos, or quick flicks while on a night out) are often center-field. We often underestimate how much even brief moments of scrolling can impact us.
The types of posts mentioned above can be hard to view, particularly when we are in a season of our lives where we feel lonely, overworked, or can’t afford to do many of the activities we would like to.
When we start to have these big feelings, we often seek out ways to make ourselves feel better and most times it looks like pouring ourselves into trying to get the life we see others living that we so desperately desire.
One important thing to keep in mind is, the influencers and people we follow also live lives that are imperfect, no matter what they might present on their platform. And no matter what amount of money they make.
You are not alone in your life struggles and the “perfect” life that is shown on social media has its flaws as well. It can be helpful to curate your social media timeline to content that is more inspiring and encouraging by following pages that post motivational messages, tips, and helpful information. Or follow more content that you enjoy such as cooking videos if you like learning about new recipes.
So we know what the bag is, we know some of the truths about getting to the bag, and one way that you can reduce the amount of comparison to others, but you may still be thinking
“Right, okay I can do that. But I still feel bad, so what else?”
There are several ways that you can continue to reduce the pressure to get “the bag.”
You can start with a pause to ask yourself: Is The Pressure I’m Feeling Fair To Me?
The correct answer is NO.
When you’re comparing where you are to where other people are, the stress or disappointment you feel from having a goal you haven’t achieved yet (notice I said yet) isn’t just about that. The pressure can also be coming from seeing someone else achieve a goal they set for themselves. Sometimes those aren’t even goals we want, but the simple fact that another person seems to be making progress is enough to amplify the pressure or disappointment. It’s unfair because you are comparing what you see as their success and progress to what you are experiencing as your process and for some reason it always feels like you’re getting the short end of the stick.
The real question is: What do you want for your life?
When we think of a track runner preparing to jump over a hurdle, where are they looking? If they look at the crowd or those they are competing against, how well or quickly they clear the hurdle will be impacted.
We can look at our goals the same way.
If our focus is on what other people are doing, we are not giving the opportunities in front of us the attention they deserve. We may even trip and fall. Then if that happens, we blame ourselves in a way that is not conducive to fixing the problem. We tell ourselves we’re on the wrong path, we’re too undeserving, not smart enough, and so on. Furthering the heavy feelings we’re already experiencing from the fall.
Do not allow yourself to indulge in those thoughts.
Examining our path can be helpful, but allow that to be because you would like to do some fine-tuning and make adjustments that can get you closer to your goal. Not because the comparison has led you to lose confidence in yourself.
What is meant for you will ALWAYS be for you. No one can change that. Not even you.
Next, you have to lean into patience. 
Patience is the simplest form of faith. To have patience is to believe that you currently have or will have what is necessary to get you to where you need to be. We can become so wrapped up in the future that we forget the present. We forget about the things we prayed for being in our lives right now. We want to rush to the outcome without enjoying the process.
When you plant a tree, do you tell it to grow faster?
When you apply for a job, do you tell them to hurry and give you a decision?
If you are just starting college, do you expect to attend graduation the next day?
If you turn up the heat of the stove to make food cook faster, does it reduce the risk of the food getting burned?
The answer to all of these is no. And in fact in the last one, there is a potential for damage. Think about how this applies to your life.
One helpful perspective to remember is, “if you rush it, you’ll ruin it.” Great things take time and our attempts to speed up the process can lead to cutting corners, losing opportunities, missing important information, or possibly destroying it altogether.
“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Be patient and stay the course.” -Fabienne Fredrickson
Then you practice gratitude & Self-Compassion
Gratitude means to be thankful and appreciative.
When we are weighed down by the pressure of getting “the bag”, our focus lingers on what we do not have. If this sounds like you, I encourage you to grab a piece of paper, a pen, and take a moment. Write down all of the things you are grateful for. Think about the things you worked really hard for and now have, what you prayed for/manifested and is now present, the day-to-day things you may overlook, the people in your life (or even out of your life now), etc.
Self-compassion is being kind to yourself and extending yourself grace.
There are plenty of people in the world who can choose to criticize us, don’t add yourself to that list. Similar to the gratitude list, you can also write down all the ways you are doing your best and doing a good job in your life. It will remind you that although you’re not where you want to be, you have a lot to be proud of.
In practicing self-love, patience, and gratitude we are watered in a way that gives life to our most unimaginable dreams.
When you put this all together, you can begin to make better sense of how to relieve the pressures of trying to get “the bag.”
As a reminder, getting to “the bag” is a way of saying that a person is striving towards relieving themselves of financial stress, attaining financial abundance, or achieving some form of success as defined by the person. The emphasis on “the bag” is in part stemming from the lack of resources, access, racism, systematic oppression, and longstanding histories of injustices that many people, especially generations of Black women, have been faced with living in America.
So some things you may want to consider are:
What does your social media timeline look like? Are you following people and pages who post content that inspires you or makes you feel worse? You are in control of who you follow and give your attention to. Breaks from social media can be helpful as well.
While it might not feel like it, the amount of pressure you put on yourself is likely much more intense than is actually necessary to achieve your goal. Pressure can be motivating, but too much can be paralyzing. It’s imperative to find the healthy balance.
I get it. Patience is hard.
But the things that are truly worthwhile are rarely easy. Isn’t it worth it to practice patience and see how good it can really get rather than rush it and risk destruction or less satisfying results?
While you’re working on the patience, make a gratitude list. Write down all of the things you are grateful for. You can also include the things that at one point you wanted and now have. Those are important as well. Noting the things we are grateful for is grounding and reminds us to focus on the present.
When we focus on process goals instead of outcome goals, they tend to have a more significant impact. Short-term goals are just as good as the long term. What can you do in your day-to-day life (process goals) that align you with your overall outcome goals? And a key thing to remember is to allow those goals to be something you want for yourself.
Lastly, keep in mind, it’s okay to want more.
However, it is important to examine the reasons why you want more. If those reasons are coming from a genuine internal desire then make the game plan! If the reasons are stemming from what others have or what others are doing (read: comparison and feeling not enough), you may want to think further about that being your motivation.
Do great things because you want to do great things.
You will always be a constant in your life, other people and their goals won’t.
Let’s be honest, it can be difficult to implement new thoughts and beliefs like these. Making lifestyle changes takes time, but it can also take the help of a professional. Do you feel as though it can be hard to get started with your goals alone? Do you have current life stressors or things that have happened in the past that are making it hard to even think about making a mindset shift like this?.
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides Trauma & EMDR therapy, Therapy for Perfectionism and Low Self-esteem, Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, and Faith-Based Therapy to Black women and Women of Color. We can help you experience relief from those pressures and guide you through implementing these new practices
If you are located in the state of Georgia* and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
- Contact us to schedule your first session and learn more about our services.
- Review our About Us page to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
- Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.