How do I know if I’m on the right path?
Like many Black women across the country, I have been learning to deal with the end of our beloved *drops tear* Sunday night ritual of HBO’s Insecure starring Issa Rae. Issa lovingly ignored our desperate pleas for longer episodes, therefore I typically like to watch the Wine Downs that are posted the same day as a new episode. The Wine Down from episode seven featured Issa, Prentiss Penny (Insecure’s showrunner), and actor Leonard Robinson who plays Taurean. Towards the end, Issa asked the question, “How do you know when you’re on the right path?” Prentiss responded, “When I am able to make a decision that is free of fear and anxiety, I know I am on the right path.” Many times, when we feel uncertainty or doubt about our path, we may not know what to do.
Do I keep pushing? 
Do I change the direction of my path?
Do I give up altogether?
These are all fair questions to ask. Pay attention to your answers. Your answers are either influenced by your beliefs – or other people’s beliefs. Are you considering giving up because you don’t believe you are capable? Are you still going because you are afraid of trying something else? Are you changing the direction because your family told you it’s not going to work?
Making a decision without fear and anxiety may feel unattainable. To feel so sure and confident in a decision that there is no need to second guess or ask for anyone else’s thoughts…
Who does that?!
Not majority of us. So what do we do when we aren’t sure?
Due to life’s unpredictability and even our past desires that did not come to fruition, we can feel that fear and anxiety. Simply because you may feel nervous does not mean you are on the wrong path. What if, instead, being nervous means that it is something you care deeply about.
That you are like everyone else who is subject to receiving or not receiving exactly what you’re hoping to have?
Dating, entrepreneurship, parenthood, life in general, are full of risks, fear, and uncertainty.
What we can do is work towards not allowing our fear to dictate the course of our lives. You will either reach your goal or you will learn an important lesson that will redirect you to the path you are meant to take.
Redirected, not rejected.
I am a huge believer in following our intuition or “our gut.” There are religious and spiritual beliefs that give insight into what guides our intuition, but I like to think we unintentionally have a huge influence on it as well.
Our intuition is fueled by the wisdom we have gained from life and others.
At any point in your life, have you ever had a feeling in the pit of your gut telling you that you should not be in a certain location or situation?
Depending on your beliefs, you may believe that it is God or a guardian angel. Or it could be that lesson an elder instilled in you throughout your childhood. It could be a recollection of a time you were in a similar predicament and it did not end well.
Has there been a time you listened to that feeling and it worked out in your favor?
That is proof that trusting yourself, your inner wisdom, is enough.
“I think I get what you mean, but I’m not convinced yet.”
Then some examples may help. Let’s take a look at the leading ladies of Insecure to see what we can learn about being on the right path. *Spoiler Alert*
Issa
Our favorite character who makes us empathetically cringe with and simultaneously root for. Throughout the series, we witnessed Issa find her path in love, career, friendships, and herself. Her journey reminds me of the quote, “I’m doing the best I can with what I have.” Each person she dated, Lawrence, Daniel, Nathan, and even the people from her self-proclaimed “hoetation,” taught her something that led her to a lesson about herself or her life journey. These lessons along the way ultimately guided her to her happy ending. Issa took a risk when she left We Got Y’all. However, she remained consistent when driving for Lyft, sleeping on Daniel’s couch, taking the property manager position, and trusted herself when she planned the block party that transitioned her to her success.
Molly
Our favorite character to relate a little too much to and simultaneously cheer on. During the five seasons of Insecure, we witnessed Molly explore dating and herself (with a therapist!) at the same time. She explored her standards and preferences with Jared and dating apps, her boundaries with Dro, and her comfort zone and areas of improvement with Andrew. She eventually allowed the natural order of life to happen, which led her to Taurean. Although different parts of her life were tested during the series, such as her insecurities, dating trauma, worldview, and habits, she leaned into those experiences. So much so, she gained wisdom and self-awareness that directed her to her happily ever after (and such a beautiful wedding)!
Tiffany
Our favorite character to watch live her best bougie life and simultaneously stan for. Tiffany was typically viewed as the one person out of the friend group who had her life well put together. We had the opportunity to see the more transparent side during and after Tiffany’s pregnancy. Her adjustment to motherhood unveiled her experience of shifting her identity to the only mom of the group while recovering from Beychella. We then witnessed her experience of postpartum depression and having difficulty bonding with her daughter. Although we didn’t get to see her journey in-depth, just various symptoms in most of the episodes, we could guess she might have struggled with uncertainty or even regret at some point and we certainly saw that when she had to move across the country and away from her friends. Even so, with time (and they may have alluded to therapy), she adjusted. She continued to try every day and eventually reaped the benefits.
Kelly
Our favorite person to – let’s just say our favorite person. Period. We mostly saw Kelly whenever another character needed support or the scene needed comedic relief. However, we did learn about Kelly’s disdain for children (besides Tiffany’s) and the freedom she takes in her dating/sex life. During the final season, we saw the most evolution for Kelly. Not only did she find someone that she cared deeply about, she learned that having a partner changed the way she viewed different areas of her life, particularly wanting children. What can we take away from Kelly? That even when we are sure of our path, we can also change it when we have new information and as we grow. And that is okay.
Neither of these characters knew the “right path” but they all did the best with what they could and they give us examples of how to figure out the path we’re on.
“I need support, but I’m not sure how to get it.”
I recall seeing a quote to the effect of:
“Stop talking about the places you want to go, with people who haven’t been there themselves.”
While the people in our lives can still offer helpful advice, surrounding yourself with those who are driven to achieve your same goals can introduce you to resources and guidance you didn’t even know you needed.
Also, know your audience. Although your aspirations and goals may fall on loving ears, the response you receive is also influenced by that person’s experience and worldview. If you are religious or spiritual, taking the time to lean on your beliefs can be helpful. Whether there is a higher being you believe in or if you trust the universe’s natural order, having your belief system can support feeling grounded.
“I’ve done everything I can think of. Now what?”
Sometimes we’ve exhausted our support and done everything we can think of, but we’re not ready to give up. That is when we can rely on patience – stay with me.
A quote I posted on Instagram stated,
“Patience is the simplest form of faith.” 
Think of a time when you didn’t have all of the answers. When you tried to control as much as you could in the situation, yet it still left you without a conclusion. You had to wait and see. For example, someone may interview for the job of their dreams. Whether they get the job is not in their control. They prepared a great deal, arrived 5-10 minutes early for the interview, had the qualifications, etc. They’ve virtually done everything in their power to increase their chances of getting the job. They still have to wait for the email or call. In the meantime, they hold on to hope, they pray, and they may ask for prayers. Eventually, their answer comes. We may feel varying levels of discomfort with this. However, to make the choice to believe that whatever outcome is meant to happen will occur is essentially making the statement that
“I have so much faith in myself and my destiny, that I am going to allow the natural order of life to take place.”
Radical Acceptance is a concept from a specific type of therapy called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It is a way of saying, “it is what it is.” While we want to acknowledge and validate our feelings (disappointment, fear, stress, sadness), placing our focus on what we wish was different rather than accepting it, can cause more negative feelings. Radical acceptance says to acknowledge both sides at the same time. That you’re nervous about the outcome, AND accept whatever it may be. After acceptance, you are free to push forward.
If you are struggling with determining whether you are on the right path, here are a few things to do and remember:
- Are there any external factors or other people influencing your belief in being on the right path? Explore why you’re second-guessing.
- Feeling nervous is normal and often is not enough to prove that your path is wrong.
- Tap into your intuition/“gut feeling.” What is it telling you? You probably have more wisdom than you think. Who are you telling your dreams to and are they the right person? Are you surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals?
- Patience, one of the hardest things to practice, is vital. If you rush it, you’ll ruin it. The natural order of life will always be.
- Acknowledge the difficult emotions you are feeling and practice radical acceptance. Everything will not be in your control and fighting that fact can make one feel worse.
So whether you are an Issa who is starting her own business, a Molly navigating love, a Tiffany learning how to manage being a new mom, or a Kelly trying to figure out why you didn’t have a larger storyline (I mean, come on, we all could’ve used more Kelly), it is important to understand the various levels of making life decisions. Take the time to explore the beliefs you have about your life and the path you are on. And remember, everything you need to reach the heights you set for yourself is already in you.
You are worthy. You are talented. You are capable.
Asé.
“This was great, but I’m still having a hard time accepting this.”
Still struggling with determining whether you are on the right path and need to do some more exploration? Our providers are here to help.
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides Trauma & EMDR therapy, Therapy for Perfectionism and Low Self-esteem, Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, and Faith-Based Therapy to Black women and Women of Color. You don’t have to figure out your path all alone.
If you are located in the state of Georgia* and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
- Contact us to schedule your first appointment and learn more about our services.
- Review our About Us page to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
- Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.