A common theme I’ve noticed with my clients as we started the new year is “New Year: New Me! It’s time to make the change!”
With the New Year comes the ever popular time to set GOALS and those goals often come with taking on new opportunities.
Generally, we all start to feel a little more introspective when something new is beginning, and thus starts the flurry of thoughts, planning, assessing, and thinking about what we want to accomplish within the next 12 months.
If you’re anything like me, you’re anticipating all the ways you want to change, how you might go about making this happen, and what new things you want to incorporate to get you there.
I’m speaking to all of my go-getters, high achievers, whatever name you choose: you’re probably thinking of how you can continue to juggle an already full schedule, work towards bettering your craft, and excel at what you do.
Maybe this looks like trying out new courses or stepping out of your comfort zone at work and volunteering to lead more tasks.
Let’s not forget that we may want to have a social life in the midst of being a partner, mother, or just a good friend period.
Trying to do it all and then some has become a part of the norm for our society.
We are perpetually busy. We create to-do lists (that we often just keep running through our minds) of tasks that we rarely finish, or never actually commit to completing because we are actually just too busy.
As a result, we are tired. Burnt out.
As the year progresses, the goal eventually becomes “just make it through the day” versus being intentional and thoughtful throughout the day. We become machine-like: following our usual schedule and thinking that our time is best spent plugged into an opportunity that involves increasing our status or increasing our finances.
Oftentimes, these good opportunities that seem harmless, end up turning into another task on our to-do list.
Another activity that we add on the calendar.
More time that we don’t get to intentionally spend with ourselves.
But it really doesn’t start out that way. It often starts with a desire to be “new” to change for the better.
The kicker is: these opportunities that are taking up our time may in reality be “good” opportunities.
They may definitely be beneficial and at first thought, a no-brainer. It may seem silly to have to weigh the pros and cons of saying “yes”. Until that one “yes” multiplies into three yeses- and herein lies the problem.
We do all sorts of things for “good opportunities.” We sacrifice personal time, sleep, our own wellness. All for the sake of “good opportunities”- a chance to advance ourselves or get a financial incentive that seems worth it in the end.
I heard a phrase in college that I try to remind myself of when opportunities arise that seem to be great, and also will take time away from personal time:
“The good is the enemy of the best”
The moral of the phrase being, “The good” may seem right in the present- but is it really the “best” for me in the long run? Is it truly something that is worth me investing in?
Here’s another way to think about this: Picture yourself as a glass of water. A glass that is full to the brim. Now, imagine other glasses, the same size, sitting all around you. Every opportunity that we say “yes” to is water poured from your glass. The more glasses you have, the more water you pour out, until you’re left with nothing, and all the sustenance you had is given to everything else around you. But there’s nothing pouring back into you…
Sound familiar?
This New Year, I’m not saying to turn down all of the opportunities you feel that God is giving; I am saying to practice discernment when presented with these opportunities.
Every opportunity and task on your “to-do” list is something that requires your time, attention, and energy. Now is a great time to start assessing if these activities are building you up. Supporting your wellness. Supporting your dreams, your ambitions, and helping support your passion and zeal for your work.
If not, something has to go.
Financial incentives are great, and very much needed. However, more often than not, we are left with the feelings of regret and anger at ourselves for forgetting that our best opportunity is within.
Our best opportunity is cultivating our own wellness practice. Our best opportunity is taking care of our minds and bodies, because our they are God-given, and intentionally designed to be able to carry us throughout life. Running on fumes and running ragged are essentially ravaging the greatest opportunity we will ever have.
There will always be opportunities to advance, make money, and increase in knowledge.
Infinite opportunities and jobs exist- but we only have one of ourselves to invest in and cultivate. Without taking care of our wellness, we aren’t able to give to the opportunities that are out there that are truly meant for us.
If you’re reading this and thinking “I can do all these things just fine.” Or “I’ve never felt tired or burned out”. That’s great. BUT I wonder how your life may continue to blossom and elevate if you give to yourself more without adding on more opportunities.
I would also still invite you to the next steps of exploration.
Maybe you’re reading this and wondering how you can begin to stop taking on tasks that are more than too much- a simple question to start with may be “What is this really doing for me?”
The time that we pour into our activities, including our jobs, families, or friends, may be better spent working towards an intrinsic goal and/or investing in our wellness.
The ability to invest in yourself may seem scary initially, sometimes even impossible.
You may wonder, “What does that even look like?” “What does that even mean?”
Maybe you’re wondering how you can even get started with this discernment process.
When you’re faced with a choice of whether to take on a new opportunity or when your glass is empty and you can’t pour into anything else, here are a few questions to ask yourself before deciding to commit.
Self-checklist
-Does this align with my goals, vision, and values for my life?
-Is this going to take away from my own wellness?
-Will I be too tired to do the things I love if I accept this commitment?
-What is the true motive for completing this? Am I Seeking Recognition, or an accolade?
-Once I complete this task, will I feel any different about myself/ my circumstances?
Take a moment to journal and reflect on these the next time you are thinking of saying “yes” to something new. Based on your responses, you may find that your time will be better spent pouring back into yourself.
An honest evaluation of what keeps you busy may give you some insight into why you operate in overdrive constantly. This is an excellent question that you could bring to your therapist. If you’re not in therapy, seeking out therapy to discuss what keeps you in this cycle.
We are here to help our clients value their best opportunity, themselves. Operating in overdrive often disconnects us from that insight, discernment, and decision making.
Let us help you plug back in.
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides Trauma & EMDR therapy, Therapy for Perfectionism and Low Self-esteem, Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, and Faith-Based Therapy to Black women and Women of Color. You don’t have to overwork yourself to change. We are here to help.
If you are located in the state of Georgia and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
- Contact us to schedule your first appointment and learn more about our services.
- Review our About Us page to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
- Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.